I am so glad it's over. There's such a sense of peace that follows a funeral. Knowing that from here on out, we'll be grieving on our own pace, now that he's been laid to rest.
We decided to have an open casket. My dad mentioned he didn't have as much of a closure when his father didn't have an open casket. I was really worried about how it would affect me. I'm glad we got to see him again... I think had I not, I would have just felt like "Jared's still in Dallas." To me, it didn't look like him. I could only really see "him" in his eye brows and hands... It almost felt like if I stared long enough, he looked like he was breathing... But obviously he wasn't. Hearing people paint a picture of who Jared was helped... everyone seemed to have very accurate words for who he was and what he meant to us. I wasn't planning on going up to speak about him, but after my sister did, I felt like I had to and if I didn't I would regret it. I'm glad I did... I'm sure I didn't make much sense, but I had to say something... even if it didn't make sense. He was my brother. And I'll miss him always... To see him so helpless broke me in ways I can't explain.
In this, I've learned a lot of compassion for those that have lost someone close to them. Before this, I've never really lost anyone too close. It's strange how the grief hits... Sort of like in waves... I'll be fine, then I'll have something remind me of him, and I lose it. I go through periods of blaming people, to anger, to peace... It's so unpredictable. Although, I'm looking forward to a time when I can look back on this period, instead of being in the middle of it. Everyone says "everyday gets easier.. and eventually you'll think of him and smile, not cry." I'm looking forward to that. In the slideshow we made for the funeral, the song says "Keep me in your heart for a while.. sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house, maybe you'll think of me and smile." And since all I DO is simple things around the house, I think of him. I think of things that prior to Feb 15th, didn't really have any importance... but now, they remind me how precious our time is together on this temporary Earth.
The flowers for the service were gorgeous... thank you to everyone that sent them. My aunt Yvonne sent a gorgeous plant, that I've make my goal to keep alive so when it's big enough, I can give a piece to my dad, sister and mom to carry on this plant. A group of wonderful women had a star named for Jared. It's 3 stars away from the handle of the big dipper (Straight above it). We found it last night at my dad's house... It was one of the coolest things to have in Jared's honor. We had it proudly displayed at the service for Jared. Everyone mentioned how wonderful it was! I'm so blessed to know these kind and generous people! Just knowing people were thinking and praying for me has brought me so much peace.
I'll post some pictures from his funeral and his slideshow.
Slideshow:
The star and stuffed animals sent by the greatest women:
The Plant I'm determined to keep alive:
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